All you can do is to do the best you can in each and every situation. As Dustin Hoffman said:”Sometimes the magic works and sometimes it doesn’t.”
We have always been here. We were a part of the Big Bang and the singularity that existed before this universe. We are stardust, and the violent vomit of a dying star. The energy that makes that, can neither be created or destroyed, per Isaac Newton. No where in there, is there a separate entity. It is always one whole, helping the entire universe along, in ways of scale beyond our comprehension.
It is why it is my habit to stay away from identities, they are like a cocoon, that one was made to outgrow.
Your essays, stories are full of caring, love, and the struggle to be you. One is not responsible for others takes on us, only for attempting to do what little we can to make our world better.
That seems to fit you rather well.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving a spring day, having a smile, or enjoying a good cup of coffee. Do so and enjoy, life is too short to worry about what is totally beyond your ability to do much about is small. Deal as you do with family, local groups you admire without forgetting to remember to smell the flowers and look at the stars.